Saturday, 9 June 2012

You have a crush on WHO?

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'Washing day' grey pants, wince-worthy childhood photographs and the embarrassing crush. We all have them, even if we do our best to keep them a secret.

I thought it was time to share some home-truths. So what if I have a dodgy pair of pants with fruit on that I wear when I really need to do some laundry? So what if there are too many photographs to count of me as a goofy, chubby redheaded child with an infestation of freckles? And so what if I fancy a hobbit?

What I really mean to say is that being weird is OK. Because being weird is what makes you just like everyone else.

Here is my list of embarrassing crushes:

Samwise Gamgee:

When I was watching TV with my family recently we flicked over to Lord of the Rings and Samwise Gamgee came up on the screen.

"I want to marry someone like him," I said.

My mum looked at me as though I had just revealed that I was hiding a baby dragon down my top.

"You do realise he's a hobbit?" said my sister.


"And he has hairy feet?"


He may have hairy feet, but his name is also Samwise the Brave. I want someone who will come and rescue me no matter what, even if I have fallen in a lake and they can't swim. If you'll do that for me I don't really mind if you have hairy feet.

I bet Samwise Gamgee would be great at fixing things in the house too, and dependable, and would enjoy my baking. Maybe I would have to deal with living in a tiny house with round doors, but I think I could manage.

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Ed Sheeran:

This shouldn't really be on the list because I am not even vaguely ashamed of this one. I defy any sane female not to listen to him singing and fall hopelessly in love.

Another TV evening with the family and we switched on to Ed Sheeran alone on a stage with a guitar, breaking my heart.

"But he's so... messy," my mum protested.

I wasn't listening, I was too busy melting on the floor.

"How could someone who writes like that and sings like that not be a wonderful person? He could sing to me every day..."

"Yeah I guess," said my sister, "and you'd have loads of kids that could sing and you'd be like a ginger Von Trap family."

In my head I was already tearing down my curtains to make outfits for my vibrantly haired brood of children.

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Yes, he may be a cartoon, but what young girl didn't want him to show her the world on a flying carpet?

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Michael Bublé:

Because my mum would be so happy.

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 Paulie Bleeker (AKA Michael Cera in Juno):

Juno: You're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...

Paulie Bleeker: "I try really hard, actually."

I think I just have a soft spot for geeks. Probably because, despite apparently being a fashion student, I am still a geek at heart. I was head girl at my school and once went to an all night Harry Potter screening at the Imax. Enough said.

So, I've shared mine. Laugh as you will, but don't feel too smug. I'm sure you have a few embarrassing heart-throbs hidden away somewhere. Probably right next to the bad underwear.


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